


How I Feel Now

by cruelico



Category: supermega
Genre: M/M, just a short scene with a bit of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 03:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19264819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruelico/pseuds/cruelico
Summary: A drabble of the moment Matt started feeling something for Ryan.I havent written anything in 2 years, and I wrote this at 4AM. Cut me some slack.Title inspired by How I Feel Now by Hot Flash Heat Wave





	How I Feel Now

      The streetlights illuminate the busy street and the many pedestrians bustling down the sidewalk on this particularly lively Saturday night. Matt hung back as the rest of his friends headed up the crowded walkway. The boys had decided to go bar hopping to celebrate the end of the Grumps tour and the final shipment of a hefty SuperMega merch drop, and although it was supposed to be a joyous night, something was stopping Matt from enjoying himself. He couldn’t place exactly what it was, but he knew that as he watched Ryan walk between Dan and Arin, arms draped over both of their shoulders as the trio easily slipped into conversation, a pit formed in his stomach that nearly made him sick.

      Ryan always seemed so nonchalant and relaxed in public, always engaging in some conversation or another and easily splitting his attention between multiple people. Even now, slightly tipsy and stumbling down the street towards the next bar he seems fully attentive to those around him. _I want that attention to be on me,_ Matt suddenly thought. He quickly shook the selfish thought away. They worked together nearly every day, and when they weren't at work they were texting or hanging out. There wasn't much more Matt could ask for. Matt is jolted from his train of thought by a familiar voice.

      “Matt, hurry up! We’re heading in here, Arin wants to sing karaoke,” Ryan shouted, pointing towards what Matt assumed was the bar with the god-awful cover of Bohemian Rhapsody blaring through every speaker. With a sigh, Matt slightly jogged to catch up with his friend and entered the cramped building. After some trouble, they finally manage to find an empty booth in the corner. Dan slid into the seat after Matt and Ryan sat across from him setting down two large beers he had somehow found the time to order whilst they were looking for a seat. Arin was already on the small stage in the back picking out a song to sing.

      Again Ryan began his animated conversation with Dan and occasionally with other drunk patrons who were drawn to his presence. Matt was again compelled by Ryan’s way with people, the pit growing larger in his gut. Ryan had an energetic look in his eye and Matt marveled at his exuberant smile and jovial laugh. Matt was jealous; Ryan was everything he wanted to be. Matt was always nervous around others, awkward even. He was okay at numbing his anxiety when Ryan was around, but when he’s alone he can easily turn into a nervous wreck around large groups. He wasn’t good at juggling conversations, and as of late he absolutely wasn't good at dividing his attention. All he could focus on was Ryan. When Ryan was there, the man was the center of Matt’s attention, affection, and conversation. Ryan’s voice soothes him, and even his mere presence eases him in a way no one else's can. He’s caught himself staring at Ryan more than once - but Ryan was so confident, sanguine, _captivating_ \- how was he not supposed to be enamored by him?

      _Ryan was everything Matt wanted._

      The thought suddenly materialized in Matt’s mind, throwing him so off guard that he visibly flinched as if someone had slapped him. He was suddenly snapped back into reality and when Matt glanced around, he noticed both Dan and Ryan’s questioning gazes upon him. He looked at Ryan, eyes wide. “Are you okay man? You look like you jus’ saw a ghost,” Dan slurred. Matt offered a meek smile and half-assed reassurance, and luckily for him Dan was too drunk to see through his lie.

      Matt thought he was in the clear when Dan turned back around to watch Arin pour his heart into his karaoke performance. He was quickly proven wrong, though, as he met Ryan’s concerned expression. No words even had to be exchanged for Matt to know that Ryan saw right through him. Curse Ryan for knowing him so well. Matt, flustered, began to nervously toy with the hem of his t-shirt. When he lifted his gaze back up to the larger man, he noticed Ryan’s expression soften into something he couldn't quite place. It was as if Matt’s uneasy behavior immediately sobered him. The expression caused an unfamiliar, but pleasant feeling to erupt in Matt’s chest. Ryan’s warm brown eyes told him ‘I’m here for you, whatever the problem may be’. Under the table, Ryan pressed a leg against Matt’s in a gentle, reassuring way. The warmth from Ryan’s calf was comforting. Although this kind of thing wasn’t uncommon between them, Matt still felt his cheeks heat up at the gesture. Ryan gave him a small smile before returning his attention to Arin. Matt was overwhelmed by the situation and knew that he would have to sort through his emotions when he got home, Ryan’s silent reassurances somehow convinced him that whatever the outcome, things will be okay.


End file.
